Twenty something and still Being!

Being twenty is an 'awakening' phase for most of us. You think you know where you're going till you reach a crossroad and then wonder did you travel the right road. Its not really a mid life crisis scenario but i'd rather call it the most 'confused yet fulfilling' phase of everyones lives. All your goof ups, stupidities and mistakes can be blamed twenty years from now as 'I was just in my twenties'. We all go through similar episodes in life. The actors may differ, but everyone has shared a similar screenplay at some point in their twenties.

Things you will learn/experience when you’re 20 something:

• Everybody is somebody’s jerk and no matter how much you try, you can’t avoid jerks or being one!
• You will end up with a broken heart and if you are lucky, you would have broken someones heart too.
• Getting over heartbreaks become more difficult than understanding a Chinese person talk in English.
• No matter how much you try, you will end up having some lethal verbal session with your parents. Lets just blame it on the ‘Generation Gap’
• By law, at one point ALL of us will hate our boss and hate our jobs. I call it the 'law of the professional land'.
• Staying in love seems more complicated than understanding E = mc2.
• Relationship is a two letter word and means ‘Its complicated’.
• No matter how much you save, at the end of the month your account balance can never look as big as the Airbus A380.
• You will do at least 2-3 things in your 20's that you will regret later (like throwing up at an office party coz u were drinking like a fish)
• Hangovers become more difficult to get over than Himesh Reshammiya's acting.
• There’s only so much you can puke, clean and repent. (Tip – avoid egg bhurji after a 5 pints of beer)
• Loosing weight becomes tougher than Obama's speeches!
• You realize there are only so many stupid, slapstick and mindless Akshay Kumar movies you can watch in a year.
• You will look back at pictures taken 5 years ago and think you dressed like a dork then and think you are a fashion icon now!
• There will be someone in your friends group whose life you wish you could swap with (I wish I was Frieda Pinto minus her boytoy bf!)
• One of the annoying three letter words to hear will be – 'Where are you?' and mostly asked by your gf/bf.
• 12 is the new 2 AM and you don't have that much patience to talk to your 2 AM friends anymore.
• You will be hanging out more near the office coffee machine than in Poison and Enigma (or any other niteclub).
• When you're below 25, everything you do is either fun or exciting or both. When you're 25 and above, everything you do is either right or wrong or can't say!

If you've been through 10 or more similar experiences, then we should catch up soon for an evening of expresso. If you've had 5-6 such experiences then you're living a very safe life. Meet me for a crash course in living life on the edge. If you've not had a single experience then don't kid yourself, you're definitely not 20 something. Go back to school and stop reading my blog!

Not together…it’s 'Two'gether!

I say roses, you say guns. I say blue, you say grey. I say Simpsons, you say South Park. I say shopping, you say ESPN. I say “Miss you”, you say “Kiss you?”

Almost One lakh and twenty three books down and still no definite answer. Five thousand and sixty three debates and talk shows and it’s still a mystery. Twenty three thousand shrinks have still not managed to solve this problem. Well, Why are men from mars and women from venus?

No, I am not going to be the expert and answer this now almost revered question. I’m merely going to attempt what can be called the ‘Dency version’ of why men and women come from different planets, make that galaxies actually.

I think whoever said ‘Man is a thinking animal’ was just kidding with us. Coz i don't believe that Man (read male) can think or feel (except when hit at their crotch). And what most females do is just that – Think, think and think some more (Paris Hilton exempted).

Even if I give the male species the benefit of a thinking mind, I still doubt they will ever think like females. Scientifically too it has been proven that not only do men and women think differently in a given situation, but the way they use their brains differs significantly too. Women have larger connections and more frequent interaction between their brain's left and right hemispheres. This makes women better at verbal skills and intuition. Thats why we can talk, talk and talk some more (yeah, Iam part of it too). And thats also why everytime you cheat, your girl somehow knows about it. Its the infamous 'female intuition'!

Men, on the other hand, have greater brain hemisphere separation which explains their skills for abstract reasoning and visual intelligence. Hence, they rather follow vague maps than ask for directions. This is also why just a poster of Salma Hayek is enough to turn on a guy while a female needs more coffee conversations to keep her smitten.

Also, its true isn't it when you say men think from their brains while females think from their heart. And yes men and women also DO come from different chromosomes which may also be the primary reason for their differences. But can men and women never think alike? Can men ever use their heart for things more than a bypass surgery? Can they feel emotions without a show of tears? Can women ever think only from their mind? Can they ever be smarter at matters of the heart and accounts? Can man and woman ever come together as one thinking mind and not two minds? Can a guy ever say 'Lets paint the walls pink' and can a girl ever say 'Lets play PS3 on a sunday and put the wet towels on the bed'?

Frankly, I don’t know the answer. If those 'Understand your man or woman better' and Shobha De books havent helped, who am I? But maybe, just maybe in some corner of the world a woman is understanding her man better and vice versa. And maybe there actually IS a guy somewhere right now who doesn't run in fear or hide his face and instead looks up with pride when his girl says the most adorable, romantic and lovely three words - 'Hold my purse'.

Confessions of a facebook-holic!

Let me start with some observations I made on Facebook:
'Random' is the most commonly used album title in FB.
'Just Chillin' is the most commonly used photo caption.
Most people upload pics of a trip within 24 hours of returning from that trip.
Most people consider themselves "travellers" if they a Goa Trip in their albums and if they have a Ladakh album then they are a "killer" traveller.
Everyone who has got any sort of tattoo done on their body would have put that up as their profile pic at some point.
Honeymoon pics are put up Only if it has been to a foreign land.

Ok now to my Farmville addicts
Howdy friends! If you’ve understood this style of greeting then you MUST be a Farmville addict. So you can now do online kheti and become a farmer in no time. I don’t own a farm (though my online Farmville status says otherwise and I don’t remember accepting any Farmville requests) but I still get at least one sheep, 2 goats, one avocada plant and one ugly ducking on my farm everyday. And I am a farmist neighbour to many of my facebook friends. Now farming is difficult, my grandfather was a farmer and I have actually been on the field and seen the sweat and toil of farmers. But then why go through so much pain and get that unnecessary tan working on the field when I can sit in my AC room, in the privacy of my cubicle and whip the shit out of my cattle for not moving fast enough and giving me good crops. And with so many of my friends on Farmville, I now know why farming is the primary occupation of this country and why 60% of Indians are employed in this sector.

To my Mafia wars addicts
Then there are my other sets of friends, the more volatile ones by nature who are addicted to mafia wars. They shoot others, make a criminal empire and try to be the Godfather of the mafia world. And they also have nicknames for each other. Kinda like 'Bloody Bosco' and 'Kamina Karl'. My question is 'Is Mafia wars bringing out the passive aggression of people out in the open?'

To my status update addicts
So you burnt your toast today, got stuck in traffic jam and reached late for an office meeting and then spilled coffee over your new shirt. Is this something that has NEVER happened before to anyone? When it is as common as Sania Mirza losing in the first round of a grand slam, why do you need the world to know about your disastrous day? There are some friends who need to update every living/moving moment of their life. I don’t want to know your wearing mismatched socks today or you forgot to floss today or that you haven’t had a bath since a week coz you were on a wild safari expedition! So don't be a Kareena and tell everybody about what diet you follow or how much you earned for your last ad or where your going for romatic vacation or if Saif thinks your ass is great or what. If you have to say something as a status message then might as well tell me how desperate housewives series is going to end, if Federrer is going to win the next match against Nadal or when the sensex will fall again so that i can save some money!

To my quiz addicts
Yes you look like Mickey Mouse if you have taken the ‘Which Disney character do you look like’ quiz. But why did you want Facebook to tell you this. You should have just come to me...i would have also told you this!! Obviously the quiz won't say you look like Aiswarya Rai. That these quizzes are meant for nothing but entertainment is confirmed, but some of the quizzes that people take are just bizarre. Like a friend of mine took this quiz on ‘what alphabet will you’re soon to be husbands name start with’ and she got X! Now unless she is marrying a Xerox machine or some fool adds X in the beginning of his name to impress the numerology gods, I think she just wasted 5 mins of online time!

To my fortune cookie/mystic meg addicts
‘Your day today will be exactly like the last 9479 days of your life’. That’s what the real fortune cookie should say. But then when has the fortune cookie ever said the truth? And the only bad and good news you can get on the same day is ' You will get fired today but they will compensate by giving you 3 months salary in advance! So travel for the next 3 months and then come back to an unemployed and jobless life'.

So the solution to all my whines is that I should quit facebook or make new online friends. But like all of you reading this, even I am a sucker for all this. So till the day my farm grows bigger than Mexico and my fortune cookie says ‘You will marry Prince William one day and become the Queen of England’, I think I am gonna continue being a facebook addict.